The Best Place for
Fun - Computer Jokes Page 2.
Jesus and Satan have an argument as
to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until
they agree to hold a contest with God as the judge.
They set themselves before their
computers and begin. They type furiously for several lines of code
streaming up the screen. Seconds before the end of the competition,
a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity.
Moments later, the power is
restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan
to show what he had come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries,
"I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out."
"Very well, then." said God, "Let
us see it Jesus fared any better."
Jesus entered a command, and the
screen came to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir
poured forth from the speakers.
Satan was astonished and
stuttered, "But how? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is
intact! How did he do it?"
God chuckled and replied, "Jesus
My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of
their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.
I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked
why it was so long.
"Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four
How come when my computer catches a virus, I'm the
one who misses work?
computer was something on TV. From a science-fiction
show of note. Window was something you hated to clean, and ram was the cousin of a goat.
Meg was the name of my girlfriend, and gig was a job
for the nights. Now they all mean different things, and
that really mega bytes.
An application was for employment, a program was a TV
show. A cursor used profanity, a keyboard was a piano.
Memory was something that you lost with age, a CD was
a bank account. And if you had a 3 - inch floppy,
hoped nobody found out.
Compress was something you did to the garbage, not
something you did to a file. And if you unzipped
anything in public, you'd be in jail for a while.
Log on was adding wood to the fire, hard drive was a
long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse
lived, and a backup happened to your commode.
Cut you did with a pocket knife, paste you did with
glue. A web was a spider's home, and a virus was the
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper, and the
memory in my head. I hear nobody's been killed in a
computer crash but when it happens they'll wish they
If Bill Gates had a dime for every time any version of Windows crashed...Oh, wait a
minute, he already does.
Why did the computer cross the road?
To get a byte to eat.
Friday, we had a tornado drill. Our department is situated
underneath a parking garage (funny how corporations just love
putting the nerds in a basement), and there's a PA announcement
repeating itself, "This is a tornado drill. Please move
quickly away from any and all windows."
Somebody yelled out: "Quick! Get to a DOS prompt."
There was a doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer
scientist sitting around late one evening, and they got to discussing
which was the oldest profession.
The doctor pointed out that according to Biblical tradition, God created
Eve from Adam's rib.
This obviously required surgery, so therefore that was the oldest
profession in the world.
The engineer countered with an earlier passage in the Bible that stated
that God created order from the chaos, and that was most certainly the
biggest and best civil engineering example ever, and also proved that
his profession was the oldest profession.
The computer scientist leaned back in her chair, and with a sly smile
responded, "Yes, but who do you think created the chaos?"
Why did the computer get glasses?
To improve its websight.