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The Best Place for Fun - Marriage Jokes Page 2.

A mild mannered man was tired of his wife always bossing him around, so he went to a psychiatrist.  The doctor told him he had to develop self-esteem.  The doctor gave him a booklet on assertiveness training, which he read on the way home.

When he walked through the door and his wife came to greet him, he told her, "From now on I'm the man of this house and my word is law.
When I come home from work, I want my dinner on the table.  Now go upstairs and lay me some clothes on the bed, because I'm going out with the boys tonight. Then draw my bath. When I get out of the tub, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

"The undertaker," she replied.


Will Rogers is purported to have said, "Men who claim to be the head of their house probably lie about other things too."


Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness," her mother explained. "And today is the happiest day in her life."

The child thought about this for a moment.  "So why is the groom wearing black?"


After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."

The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."


A man will pay $2.00 for a $1.00 item he wants.  A woman will pay $1.00 for a $2.00 item she does not want!


WIFE: "There's trouble with the car.  It has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."

WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out.  Where's the car?"

WIFE: "In the pool."


A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.  "I'd love to be six again," she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park.  What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop and the Wall of Fear--everything there was! Wow!

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down.  Right to McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Big Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.  Then it was off to a movie - the latest Star Wars epic, and hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola, and M & Ms.  What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed.  He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?"  One eye opened.  The wife said, "You idiot, I meant my dress size!"

The moral of this story is: If a woman speaks and a man is actually listening, he will still get it wrong.


A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.

He asks, "What was that for?"

She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it."

He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I went there to bet on."  She shrugs and walks away.  Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.

He asks, "What was that for?"

She answers, "Your horse called."


I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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