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The Best Place for Fun - Medical Jokes Page 1.

An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along.  When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample and a stool sample."

The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells, "WHAT?"

"What did he say? What does he want?"

His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."


Patient: "I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?"

 Doctor: "You've had an accident involving a train."

Patient: "What happened?"

Doctor: "Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?"

Patient: "Well... The bad news first...

Doctor: "Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them."

Patient: "That's terrible! What's the good news?"

Doctor: "There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers."


A man goes to his doctor and says, "I don't think my wife's hearing isn't as good as it used to be. What should I do?"  The doctor replies, "Try this test to find out for sure.  When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn't respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you."

The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner.  He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, "What's for dinner, honey?"  He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again.  Still no response, so he moves to five feet. still no answer.   Finally he stands directly behind her and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?"  She replies, "For the fourth time, CHICKEN!"


A doctor said to his car mechanic, "Your prices are several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care."

"Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, humans haven't changed since Adam, but we have to keep up to date with the new car models coming out every year."


A Polish man went to an optician and was given an eye-test.

"See that second line,  'C Z Y K O S V O', can you read it?"

"Read it???.that's my brother's name."


Patient: "Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people."

Doctor: "Tell me about your problem."

Patient: "I just did, you stupid fool!"


Did you hear that researchers have discovered that diarrhea is hereditary?

It runs in your jeans.


There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side.

His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again.

His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said "You're cute!"

Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful" it was "cute."

She said, "What happened to 'beautiful'?"

His reply was, "The drugs are wearing off!"


Tom: What's good for excessive wind, doctor?

Doctor: A kite!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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