The Best Place for
Fun - Military Jokes Page 1.
group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant
said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at
The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him,
and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said,
"Sure was a lot of them, huh?"
Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new
recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI
It wasn't long before
Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for
insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask
about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened
to Jones's sales pitch.
Jones explained the
basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said, "If
you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the
government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't
have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the
government only has to pay a maximum of $6000."
"Now," he concluded,
"which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?"
An Air Force cargo plane was preparing for departure from Thule Air Base
in Greenland. They were waiting for the truck to arrive to pump out the
aircraft's sewage holding tank.
The Aircraft Commander was in a hurry, the truck was late in arriving,
and the Airman performing the job was extremely slow in getting the tank pumped
When the commander berated the Airman for his slowness and promised
punishment, the Airman responded, "Sir, I have no stripes, it is 20 below zero,
I'm stationed in Greenland, and I'm pumping sewage out of airplanes. What
could you do to punish me?"
There was a Soldier, and a
Sailor at the same bar drinking. The soldier goes into the restroom to
pee. Just before he walks out the sailor walks in.
notices that the soldier didn't wash his hands. The sailor then asks the
soldier, "Didn't they teach you to wash your hands in the Army?"
The soldier replies, "No, they taught me not to pee on my hands."
A college professor, an avowed atheist and active in the
ACLU, was teaching his class. He shocked several of his
students when he flatly stated that for once and for all he
was going to prove there was no God. Addressing the ceiling
"GOD, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this
I'll give you exactly 15 minutes!"
The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.
Ten minutes went by. "I'm waiting God, if you're real, knock
me off this platform!" Again after a few more minutes, the
professor taunted God saying, "Here I am, God! I'm still
His count down got down to the last couple of minutes when a
Navy Seal, just released from the Navy after serving in
Afghanistan and Iraq and newly registered in the class,
walked up to the Professor. The Navy Seal hit him full force in
the face, and sent the Professor tumbling from his lofty
platform. The Professor was out cold.
The students were stunned and shocked. They began to babble
in confusion. The Navy Seal nonchalantly took his seat in the
front row and sat silent. The class looked at him and fell
Eventually, the professor came to and was noticeably shaken. He looked at the
Navy Seal in the front row. When the professor
regained his senses and could speak he asked, "What the heck
is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"
"Well, God was really busy protecting America's soldiers, who are
protecting your right to say stupid things and act like an
idiot. So He sent me."
During training exercises, the Lieutenant driving down a muddy back road
encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel.
"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the Lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
"Nope," replied the Colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new
colonel was sitting at his desk when a PFC knocked on the door.
Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly
picked up the phone, told the PFC to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes,
General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In
the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."
Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the
young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"
"Nothing important, sir," the PFC replied, "I'm just
here to hook up your telephone."
A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and
as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I
guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave."
cadet replied, "Not me, Sergeant! I promised myself
that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another
A retired sergeant was asked: "Well, how do you like civilian
"Terrible," he said gruffly, "all those people around and nobody