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The Best Place for Fun - Military Jokes Page 1.

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."

As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.

The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow.  The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of them, huh?"

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.

It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch.

Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said, "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries.  If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000."

"Now," he concluded, "which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?"

An Air Force cargo plane was preparing for departure from Thule Air Base in Greenland. They were waiting for the truck to arrive to pump out the aircraft's sewage holding tank.

The Aircraft Commander was in a hurry, the truck was late in arriving, and the Airman performing the job was extremely slow in getting the tank pumped out.

When the commander berated the Airman for his slowness and promised punishment, the Airman responded, "Sir, I have no stripes, it is 20 below zero, I'm stationed in Greenland, and I'm pumping sewage out of airplanes.  What could you do to punish me?"

There was a Soldier, and a Sailor at the same bar drinking. The soldier goes into the restroom to pee.  Just before he walks out the sailor walks in.

 The sailor notices that the soldier didn't wash his hands.  The sailor then asks the soldier, "Didn't they teach you to wash your hands in the Army?"

The soldier replies, "No, they taught me not to pee on my hands."

A college professor, an avowed atheist and active in the ACLU, was teaching his class. He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated that for once and for all he was going to prove there was no God. Addressing the ceiling he shouted, "GOD, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform.  I'll give you exactly 15 minutes!"

The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.

Ten minutes went by.  "I'm waiting God, if you're real, knock me off this platform!"  Again after a few more minutes, the professor taunted God saying, "Here I am, God! I'm still waiting!"

His count down got down to the last couple of minutes when a Navy Seal, just released from the Navy after serving in Afghanistan and Iraq and newly registered in the class, walked up to the Professor.  The Navy Seal hit him full force in the face, and sent the Professor tumbling from his lofty platform.  The Professor was out cold.

The students were stunned and shocked.  They began to babble in confusion.  The Navy Seal nonchalantly took his seat in the front row and sat silent.  The class looked at him and fell silent, waiting.

Eventually, the professor came to and was noticeably shaken.  He looked at the Navy Seal in the front row.  When the professor regained his senses and could speak he asked, "What the heck is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

"Well, God was really busy protecting America's soldiers, who are protecting your right to say stupid things and act like an idiot. So He sent me."

During training exercises, the Lieutenant driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel.

"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the Lieutenant as he pulled alongside.

"Nope," replied the Colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."

Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when a PFC knocked on the door.

Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the PFC to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."

Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"

"Nothing important, sir," the PFC replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."

A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave."

The cadet replied, "Not me, Sergeant! I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line!"

A retired sergeant was asked: "Well, how do you like civilian life?"

"Terrible," he said gruffly, "all those people around and nobody in charge!"







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