The Best Place for
Fun - Military Jokes Page 2.
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change
for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an
Now let's try it again!"
Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change
for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were
clear; no car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the
windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back.
The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?"
The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler."
"I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker
on the windshield."
The general said, "Drive on!"
The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have
orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker."
The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on."
The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new
at this. Do I shoot you or the driver?"
naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.
"What would you do if a
sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?"
"Throw out an anchor,
sir," the student replied.
"What would you do if
another storm sprang up aft?"
"Throw out another
"And if another
terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then?" asked the
"Throw out another
"Hold on," said the
captain. "Where are you getting all those anchors from?"
"From the same place
you're getting your storms, sir."
A guy was telling about this girl Sue who disguised herself as a man and
joined the army.
"But, wait a minute," said his friend, "She'll have to dress with the
boys and shower with them, too, won't she?"
"Sure," replied the guy.
"Well, won't they find out?"
The guy shrugged. "Who's going to tell?"
What's the difference between the Boy Scouts and the National
The Boy Scouts have adult supervision!!
Army basic trainees were required to go on
a demanding 12-mile march. We got started at 6 a.m. and
were pumped up for the trek.
An hour later, feeling the heavy load of our packs, we
wondered if the end would ever come.
"Men," our sergeant yelled, "You're doing a
fine job. We've
already covered four miles!"
Revitalized, we picked up the pace.
"And," continued Sergeant, "we should reach the starting point
any minute now."
A soldier, who was habitually drunk, publicly announced
to all the men in his company and surrounding companies that he was swearing off
drinking and that all the other soldiers should give up this foul habit also.
The other soldiers would tease him to fall off the wagon by giving him whiskey
and get him drunk. Every morning he would be back preaching about the sins of
One day his friend told him he ought to give up preaching about the
evils of the jug as he always ends up drunk.
With a twinkle in his blood shot
eyes he said, "what, and give up all that free whiskey?"
One of the duties as a novice drill instructor was to escort new recruits to the mess
hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he
sat them down and told them, "There are three rules in this
mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!"
Checking to see that he
had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the first
Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60
privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!"
During army basic training, the lieutenant took the men on
a march and asked each of them where home was. After
everyone had answered, he sneered and said "you are all wrong, the army
is now your home."
Back at the barracks, he read the evening duties, then asked the
first sergeant if he had anything to add "you bet I do" the sergeant replied, "men, while
you were gone today, I found beds improperly made, clothes not
hanging correctly, shoes not shined and footlockers a mess.
Where do you think you are? Home?"