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The Best Place for Fun - Military Jokes Page 2.

Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"

Soldier: "Sure, buddy."

Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"

Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"

Soldier: "No, SIR!"


A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate.  His orders were clear; no car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the
windshield.  A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back.  The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?"

The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler."

"I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker on the windshield."

The general said, "Drive on!"

The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker."

The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on."

The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or the driver?"


A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.

"What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?"

"Throw out an anchor, sir," the student replied.

"What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"

"Throw out another anchor, sir."

"And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then?" asked the captain.

"Throw out another anchor, sir."

"Hold on," said the captain. "Where are you getting all those anchors from?"

"From the same place you're getting your storms, sir."


A guy was telling about this girl Sue who disguised herself as a man and joined the army.

"But, wait a minute," said his friend, "She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them, too, won't she?"

"Sure," replied the guy.

"Well, won't they find out?"

The guy shrugged. "Who's going to tell?"


What's the difference between the Boy Scouts and the National Guard?

The Boy Scouts have adult supervision!!


Army basic trainees were required to go on a demanding 12-mile march.  We got started at 6 a.m. and were pumped up for the trek.

An hour later, feeling the heavy load of our packs, we wondered if the end would ever come.

"Men," our sergeant yelled, "You're doing a fine job. We've already covered four miles!"

Revitalized, we picked up the pace.

"And," continued Sergeant, "we should reach the starting point any minute now."


A soldier, who was habitually drunk, publicly announced to all the men in his company and surrounding companies that he was swearing off drinking and that all the other soldiers should give up this foul habit also.

The other soldiers would tease him to fall off the wagon by giving him whiskey and get him drunk.  Every morning he would be back preaching about the sins of alcohol.

One day his friend told him he ought to give up preaching about the evils of the jug as he always ends up drunk.

With a twinkle in his blood shot eyes he said, "what, and give up all that free whiskey?"


One of the duties as a novice drill instructor was to escort new recruits to the mess hall.  After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them, "There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!"

Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?"

Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Drill Sergeant!"


During army basic training, the lieutenant took the men on a march and asked each of them where home was.  After everyone had answered, he sneered and said "you are all wrong, the army is now your home."

Back at the barracks, he read the evening duties, then asked the first sergeant if he had anything to add "you bet I do" the sergeant replied, "men, while you were gone today, I found beds improperly made, clothes not hanging correctly, shoes not shined and footlockers a mess. Where do you think you are? Home?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

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