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The Best Place for Fun - Office Jokes Page 1.

A man went to apply for a job.  After filling out all of his applications he waited anxiously for the outcome.  The employer read all his applications and said, "We have an opening for people like you."

"Oh, great," the man said, "What is it?"

"It's called the door!"

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work.  His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it.  So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed.  Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning.  He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. 

"Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!"

"That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"

This woman was vastly overweight, and she went to see the doctor about her weight.

She said to him, "Have you got any dieting remedies or anything that can help me lose weight?"

The doctor replies, "Yes I do, all you need to do is shake your head from left to right, simple eh?"

She says, "WOW that's amazing, um... when do I do it?"

The doctor says, "Every time you order food."

His request approved, the Fox News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.  He was told a twin engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.  He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, "Let's go".

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off. Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, "Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides."

"Why?" asked the pilot.

"Because I'm a photographer for Fox Cable News," he responded. "And I need to get some close up shots."

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered,

"So, what you're telling me, is ... you're NOT my flight instructor?"

Boss: "I've decided to use humor in the office. Experts say humor helps to ease tension, which is important in the times when the work force is being reduced."

"Knock knock."

Employee: "Who's there?"

Boss: "Not you anymore."

If you are good, you will be assigned all the work.

If you are really good, you will get out of it.

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young MBA fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The candidate said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years, say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?"

And the HR Person said, "Certainly, but you started it."

My son is proof that anyone can be successful enough to drive a BMW or Mercedes.

 And besides, he looks so cute in his valet parking attendant uniform.

A young executive is working late one evening.  As he comes out of his office about 8 PM he sees the Big Boss standing by the shredder in the hallway, a piece of paper in his hand.

  "Do you know how to work this thing?" the older man asks.

 "My secretary's gone home and I don't know how to run it."

 "Yes, sir," says the young executive, who turns on the machine, takes the paper from the other man, and feeds it in.

 "Ok" says his boss, "I just need one copy."







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