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The Best Place for Fun - Office Jokes Page 2.

Have you ever noticed that your boss is the only one who watches the clock during the coffee break.


A business owner decides to take a tour around his business to see how things are going.  He goes to the loading dock and sees a young man leaning against the wall doing nothing.

The owner walks up to the young man and says, "Son, how much do you make a day?"

The guy replies, "150 dollars."

The owner pulls out his wallet, gives him $150, and tells him to get out and never come back.

A few minutes later, the shipping clerk asks the owner, "Have you seen the UPS driver? I asked him to wait here for me!"


A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer.  He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn't improve.

Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, "When a musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."

A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section, "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."


A father is asked by his friend, "Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?"

"Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector," he replies.

To this his friend responds, "Strange ambition to have for a career."

"Well, he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!"


When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity.  To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.

The Russians just used a pencil.


My boss didn't come into work today.

He called this morning and said he was having a vision problem.

When I asked what was wrong, he replied, "I just can't see myself at work today."


Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office.  She found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.

Without hesitating, he dictated, "and in conclusion, gentlemen, shortage or no shortage, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."


A factory owner said to a store owner, "Thank you, Mr. Smith, for your patronage. I wish I had twenty customers like you."

"Gosh, it's nice to hear that, but I'm kind of surprised," admitted Smith. "You know that I argue every bill and always pay late."

The factory owner said, "I'd still like twenty customers like you. The problem is, I have two hundred."


Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference.  At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

They all board the train.  The accountants take their seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.  Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets.

He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.  The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea.  So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money.  When they get to the train station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip.  To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another restroom nearby.  The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding.  He knocks on the door and says, Ticket, please."

 

 

 

 

 

 

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