The Best Place for
Fun - Old Age Jokes Page 1.
A foursome of senior
golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport. "These
hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one complained.
"These fairways seem
to be getting longer too," said one of the others.
"The sand traps seem
to be bigger than I remember them too," said the third senior.
After hearing enough
from his Senior buddies, the oldest, and the wisest of the four of
them at 87 years old, piped up and said, "Just be thankful we're
still on the right side of the grass!"
A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman, "And what do you think is
the best thing about being 104?," the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his
rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his
ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some
Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The
last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents."
"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really
going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now."
A little old man's wife died, he went to the newspaper
office to put an obituary in the paper.
The assistant told him it was
$5 per word, he only had $10; so he was going to put, "Nelly's dead."
took pity on him and told him he could have three words for free.
So he put in, "Nelly's dead, minivan for sale!"
Two elderly women were
out driving in a large car-both could barely see over
the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to
an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just
went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought
to herself, "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we
just went through a red light."
After a few more minutes they came to another
intersection and the light was red again and again they
went right though. This time the woman in the passenger
seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was
really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting
nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the
road and the next intersection to see what was going on.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was
definitely red and they went right through and she
turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you
know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You
could have killed us!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"
An elderly couple is watching one of those television preachers on TV
one night. The preacher faces the camera, and announces, "My friends, I'd like to share my healing powers with everyone
watching this program. Place one hand on top of your TV & the other hand
on the part of your body which ails you & I will heal you."
The old woman has been having terrible stomach problems, so she
places one hand on the television, and her other hand on her stomach.
Meanwhile, her husband approaches the television, placing one hand on
top of the TV and his other hand on his groin.
With a frown his wife says, "Ernest, he's talking about healing the
sick, not raising the dead."
gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed, great
looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after
shave, presenting a well looked after image, walked into an upscale
Seated at the bar was an elderly looking lady (mid
The gentleman walked over, sat along side of her, ordered a
drink, took a sip, turned to her and said, "So tell me, do I come here
The theater usher quickly dashed down front where a man was
crawling around on his hands and knees.
"Sir," he said, "you're disturbing several people around you.
What's the problem?"
"I've lost my gum! said the man as the continued to search
around the seats.
"Sir," the usher said, "If that's your only problem, let me
offer you another stick of gum so you can sit down and watch the
show. A stick of gum is not worth all this disturbance."
"But I'm afraid you don't understand," explained the man, "my
false teeth are in that gum!"
A little old lady answered a
knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well dressed young man
carrying a vacuum cleaner.
"Good morning," said the young man, If I could take
a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in
high-powered vacuum cleaner."
"Go away!" said the old lady, "I don't have any
money!," and she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man
wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty," he
said, "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."
And with that, he
emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
"If this vacuum
cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam,
I will personally eat the remainder."
The old lady stepped back and said, "Well
I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity