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The Best Place for Fun - Old Age Jokes Page 1.

A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport.  "These hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one complained.

"These fairways seem to be getting longer too," said one of the others.

"The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too," said the third senior.

After hearing enough from his Senior buddies, the oldest, and the wisest of the four of them at 87 years old, piped up and said, "Just be thankful we're still on the right side of the grass!"

A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman, "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?," the reporter asked.

She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie.  After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn.

Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents."

"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now."

A little old man's wife died, he went to the newspaper office to put an obituary in the paper.

The assistant told him it was $5 per word, he only had $10; so he was going to put, "Nelly's dead."

The girl took pity on him and told him he could have three words for free.

So he put in, "Nelly's dead, minivan for sale!"

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car-both could barely see over the dashboard.  As they were cruising along they came to an intersection.  The stoplight was red but they just went on through.  The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light."

After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though.  This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it.  She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!"

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"

An elderly couple is watching one of those television preachers on TV one night.  The preacher faces the camera, and announces, "My friends, I'd like to share my healing powers with everyone watching this program. Place one hand on top of your TV & the other hand on the part of your body which ails you & I will heal you."

The old woman has been having terrible stomach problems, so she places one hand on the television, and her other hand on her stomach.

Meanwhile, her husband approaches the television, placing one hand on top of the TV and his other hand on his groin.

With a frown his wife says, "Ernest, he's talking about healing the sick, not raising the dead."

An elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked after image, walked into an upscale cocktail lounge.

Seated at the bar was an elderly looking lady (mid eighties).

The gentleman walked over, sat along side of her, ordered a drink, took a sip, turned to her and said, "So tell me, do I come here often?"

The theater usher quickly dashed down front where a man was crawling around on his hands and knees.

"Sir," he said, "you're disturbing several people around you.  What's the problem?"

"I've lost my gum! said the man as the continued to search around the seats.

"Sir," the usher said, "If that's your only problem, let me offer you another stick of gum so you can sit down and watch the show. A stick of gum is not worth all this disturbance."

"But I'm afraid you don't understand," explained the man, "my false teeth are in that gum!"

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good  morning," said the young man, If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaner."

"Go away!" said the old lady, "I don't have any money!," and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty," he said, "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning."







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