The Best Place for
Fun - Political Jokes Page 1.
A young man's parents were trying to figure out what their
son's future career would be; so they decided to give him a
They took a twenty dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of
whiskey, and put them on the front hall table. They
left a note saying they went out for a walk and would be
home later. Then they hid. The father told the
mother, "If he takes the money he will be a businessman, if
he takes the Bible he will be a clergyman but if he takes
the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a
So the parents took their place in a nearby closet and
waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw
their son arrive home. He saw the note saying they had left
and that they'd be home later. Then, he took the twenty
dollar bill, looked at it and slid it into
his pocket. After that, he took the Bible and flicked
through it. Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it,
and took a whiff to be assess the quality. Then he
left for his room, carrying all three items.
The father slapped his forehead and said, "Darn, it's even
worse than I could ever have imagined!"
"What do you mean?," his wife asked.
"Our son is going to be a politician!," replied the very
A Marine was coming home
from the Pentagon one day. He noticed that there was a lot more
traffic than normal. As he got further up the road all of the
traffic had come to a halt. He saw a policeman coming towards his
car and asked the cop what was wrong.
The cop said, "Man we are
in a crisis situation. Mr. Clinton is in the road very upset. He
does not have the $33.5 million that he owes his lawyers, and his
family hates him. He is threatening to douse himself in gasoline and
start a fire."
The marine asked the cop why he was
The cop said, "I feel sorry for the president so I am going
car to car asking for donations."
The marine asked, "How much do you
have so far?"
The cop replied, "Well as of right now only 33
gallons, but many people are still siphoning as we speak!"
Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about how great their fathers
The first one says, "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an
arrow, and start to run, and he gets there before the arrow".
The second one says, "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter.
He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet".
The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. Then
he says, "You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He
stops working at 4:30 and is home by 3:45!"
I was so depressed last night thinking about the
economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds,
etc. that I called the Suicide Hotline.
I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal,
they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
Al Gore is out jogging one
morning, notices a little boy on the corner with a box. Curious, he runs
over to the child and says, "What's in the box, kid?"
The little boy
says, "Kittens, they're brand new kittens."
Al Gore laughs and says,
"What kind of kittens are they?"
"Democrats," the child says. "Oh,
that's cute," Al Gore says and he jogs off.
A couple of days later, Al Gore is running with his buddy Bill
Clinton and he spies the same boy with his box just ahead.
Al says to
Bill, "You have to check this out," and they both jog over to the boy with
Al says, "Look in the box Bill, isn't that cute? Look at those
little kittens. Hey, kid, tell my friend Bill what kind of kittens they
The boy replies, "They're Republicans."
"Whoa!" Al says, "I came by here the other day and you said they were
Democrats. What happened?"
"Well," the kid says, "Their eyes are open now."
George W. Bush told Dick Cheney, "I really
hate all the stupid political humor jokes people make about me."
reassured him by saying, "Jokes can't hurt you. They are just made up by a bunch
of stupid people. In fact, most humans are quite stupid. Here, I'll show you
what I mean."
Cheney goes outside and hails a D.C. cab and says to the driver, "Please take me
to 261 M street, I want to see if I'm home."
Without a word, the cabbie took them straight to M Street.
Cheney then rang the
doorbell, came back to the car and said, "Oh, I guess I'm not there! Take us
back to where we started, please."
The cabbie did what he was told without a word.
Cheney leaned over and said to Bush, "You get the idea? People are idiots wherever you go! Don't worry about
Bush said, "Thanks Dick. I feel a lot better." Then he winked and whispered, "Boy,
was he stupid! He picked us up right in front of a phone booth. He should have
realized you could have called instead!"
A guy was lost in the mall at the Washington Monument. He
stopped a cop and asked, "What side is the State Department on?"
To which to cop answered, "Ours, I hope."
A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street
when they meet a homeless person. The Republican gave the
homeless person his business card and told him to come to
his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of
his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.
was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless
person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless
person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He
then reached into the Republicanís pocket and gave the
homeless person fifty dollars.
When the white man found this land, Indians were running it. There were:
no taxes, no debt, plenty of buffalo, the medicine man was free,
women did all the work and men
hunted and fished all the time.
The white man was dumb enough
to think he could improve on that system!