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The Best Place for Fun - Political Jokes Page 1.

A young man's parents were trying to figure out what their son's future career would be; so they decided to give him a test.

They took a twenty dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table.  They left a note saying they went out for a walk and would be home later.  Then they hid.  The father told the mother, "If he takes the money he will be a businessman, if he takes the Bible he will be a clergyman but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard."

So the parents took their place in a nearby closet and waited nervously.  Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive home.  He saw the note saying they had left and that they'd be home later.  Then, he took the twenty dollar bill, looked at it and slid it into his pocket.  After that, he took the Bible and flicked through it.  Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took a whiff to be assess the quality.  Then he left for his room, carrying all three items.

The father slapped his forehead and said, "Darn, it's even worse than I could ever have imagined!"

"What do you mean?," his wife asked.

"Our son is going to be a politician!," replied the very unhappy father.


A Marine was coming home from the Pentagon one day.  He noticed that there was a lot more traffic than normal.  As he got further up the road all of the traffic had come to a halt.  He saw a policeman coming towards his car and asked the cop what was wrong.

The cop said, "Man we are in a crisis situation. Mr. Clinton is in the road very upset. He does not have the $33.5 million that he owes his lawyers, and his family hates him. He is threatening to douse himself in gasoline and start a fire."

The marine asked the cop why he was there."

The cop said, "I feel sorry for the president so I am going car to car asking for donations."

The marine asked, "How much do you have so far?"

The cop replied, "Well as of right now only 33 gallons, but many people are still siphoning as we speak!"


Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about how great their fathers are.

The first one says, "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, and he gets there before the arrow".

The second one says, "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet".

The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head.  Then he says, "You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30 and is home by 3:45!"


I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc. that I called the Suicide Hotline.

I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.


Al Gore is out jogging one morning, notices a little boy on the corner with a box.  Curious, he runs over to the child and says, "What's in the box, kid?"

The little boy says, "Kittens, they're brand new kittens."

Al Gore laughs and says, "What kind of kittens are they?"

"Democrats," the child says. "Oh, that's cute," Al Gore says and he jogs off.

A couple of days later, Al Gore is running with his buddy Bill Clinton and he spies the same boy with his box just ahead.

Al says to Bill, "You have to check this out," and they both jog over to the boy with the box.

Al says, "Look in the box Bill, isn't that cute? Look at those little kittens. Hey, kid, tell my friend Bill what kind of kittens they are."

The boy replies, "They're Republicans."

"Whoa!" Al says, "I came by here the other day and you said they were Democrats. What happened?"

"Well," the kid says, "Their eyes are open now."


George W. Bush told Dick Cheney, "I really hate all the stupid political humor jokes people make about me."

Cheney reassured him by saying, "Jokes can't hurt you. They are just made up by a bunch of stupid people. In fact, most humans are quite stupid. Here, I'll show you what I mean."

Cheney goes outside and hails a D.C. cab and says to the driver, "Please take me to 261 M street, I want to see if I'm home."

Without a word, the cabbie took them straight to M Street.

Cheney then rang the doorbell, came back to the car and said, "Oh, I guess I'm not there! Take us back to where we started, please."

The cabbie did what he was told without a word.

Cheney leaned over and said to Bush, "You get the idea? People are idiots wherever you go! Don't worry about their opinions!"

Bush said, "Thanks Dick. I feel a lot better." Then he winked and whispered, "Boy, was he stupid! He picked us up right in front of a phone booth. He should have realized you could have called instead!"


A guy was lost in the mall at the Washington Monument. He stopped a cop and asked, "What side is the State Department on?"

To which to cop answered, "Ours, I hope."


A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they meet a homeless person.  The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job.  He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.

The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help.  He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office.  He then reached into the Republicanís pocket and gave the homeless person fifty dollars.


When the white man found this land, Indians were running it.  There were: no taxes, no debt, plenty of buffalo, the medicine man was free, women did all the work and men hunted and fished all the time.

The white man was dumb enough to think he could improve on that system!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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