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The Best Place for Fun - Political Jokes Page 2.

A bus of politicians is driving by a farm where a man lives alone.  The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery, loses control and crashes into the ditch.  The man comes out and finding the politicians, buries them.

The next day, the police are at the farm questioning the man.

"So you buried all the politicians?," asked the police officer.  "Were they all dead?"

To which the man replied, "Some said they weren't, but you know how politicians lie."


NASA was celebrating, they had just made the scientific breakthrough of a lifetime.

As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, the head scientist at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as he had received a congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States.

He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it.

"Mr. President," he said, grinning broadly, "after fifteen years of hard research costing billions of dollars, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars."

He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a frown.

He said, "But that's impossible, we could never do it, yes Mr. President," and hung up the phone.  He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him curiously.

"I have some bad news," he said, "the President said that now that we've found intelligent life on Mars, he wants us to try to find it in Congress."


The Clinton's and the Gores are traveling aboard Air Force One.

Bill Clinton looks out the window and says, "You know, I bet I could drop a $10,000 bill out the window and make one person very happy!"

Al Gore comments, "Yes, but I could drop ten $1000 bills out the window, and make ten people very happy."

Hillary Clinton says, "True, but I could drop one hundred $100 bills out the window, and make one hundred people very happy.

Chelsea says, "Big deal! I could drop all of you out the window, and make the whole country happy!"


A little boy wanted $100 to buy a new bike, and his mother told him to pray to God for it.  He prayed and prayed for two weeks, but nothing turned up.  Then he decided perhaps he should write God a letter requesting the $100.00.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, they opened it and decided to send it to the President.  The President was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a check for $5.00.  He thought that this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank-you letter to God, which read:

Dear God;
Thank you very much for the money.  I noticed that you had to send it through Washington.  As usual, they deducted $95.00 for themselves.


Q: Have you heard about McDonald's new Obama Value Meal?

A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.


The Governor's most trusted assistant, died in his sleep one night.  The Governor had depended on him for advice on every subject, from pending bills to wardrobe decisions.  In addition, he had been his closest friend.

So, it was understandable that the Governor didn't take kindly to the droves of ambitious office seekers who wanted the assistant's job.

"They don't even have the decency to wait until the man is buried," the Governor muttered.

At the funeral, one eager beaver made his way to the Governor's side.

"Governor," the man said, "is there a chance that I could take the assistant's place?"

"Certainly," the governor replied. "But you'd better hurry. I think the undertaker is almost finished."


George W. Bush went to see the doctor to get the results of his brain scan.

The doctor said, "Mr. President, I have some bad news for you. First, we have discovered that your brain has two sides, the left side and the right side."

Bush interrupted, "Well, that's normal, isn't it? I thought everybody had two sides to their brain?"

The doctor replied, "That's true, Mr. President. But your brain is very unusual because on the left side there isn't anything right, while on the right side there isn't anything left."


A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey.

"If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then Iím against it."

"But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then Iím for it."

"This is my final position, and I will not compromise!"


The phone rings at FBI headquarters.

"Hello? Hello, is this the FBI? Yes. What do you want?"

"This is Jack, I'm calling to report my neighbor, Pete!

He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Pete's house.  They search the shed where the firewood is kept.  Using axes, they chop up every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.  They yell at Jack and leave.

The phone rings at Pete's house.

"Hey, Pete! Did the FBI come?"

"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep"

"Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."

 

 

 

 

 

 

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