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The Best Place for Fun - Redneck Jokes Page 1.

Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.  The passenger, Bubba, said, "lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a poll-ice roadblock!!  We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!"

"Don't worry, Bubba", Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the labels and stick them on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat".

"What?", asked Bubba.

"Just let me do the talkin', OK?", said Earl.

Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and each put a label on their forehead.

When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"

"No, sir", said Earl. "We're on the patch"!


There was a Kentucky redneck and an Ohio buckeye, fishing on their respective sides of the Ohio river.  Just as soon as the redneck put his line in the water, he slung a fish onto the bank, the buckeye was catching nothing; so he yelled across to the redneck, ''Hey buddy, I'd sure like to be on your side of the river!''

''Alright, tell you what, I'll shine my flashlight 'cross this river, and you can walk across this little beam of light!'' the redneck yelled back.

The buckeye replied, ''Ain't no way, buddy. I ain't no fool! When I get halfway 'cross, you'll turn your flashlight off!''


Big Jimbo sauntered into his local Post Office, and noticed a new sign on the wall:

MAN WANTED FOR ROBBERY IN MONTANA

"Dang it!" he said, "If only that job was in Texas, Ah'd be a takin it!"


During a recent hot spell in Atlanta a hillbilly collapsed on the street.  Immediately a crowd gathered and began offering suggestions.

"Give the poor man a drink of whiskey," a little old lady said.

"Give him some air," a man cried out.

"Give him some whiskey," she cried again.

Several other suggestions were made and the victim suddenly sat up and hollered, "Will all of you shut up and listen to the nice old lady?"


A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City.  One day, the father took his son into a large building.  They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby.

The boy asked, "What's that, Paw?"

The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like that in my life. I don't know what it is!"

While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button.  The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.  The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up.  They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.  The walls opened again, and a beautiful twenty-four-year old woman stepped out.

The father turned to his son and said, "Go get your maw!"


Deep In the back woods of Tennessee, a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.  Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am
doing."

Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.

"Whoa there," said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there's another one coming."

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.

"Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" said the doctor.

Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby.

"Wait, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor.

The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?


At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him.

"Well," Bubba began, "We wuz havin' a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, 'Hey, do ya fellows wanna go hunting?'"

"And then what happened?" the officer asked.

"From what I remember," Bubba said, "I stood up and said, 'Sure, I'm game.'"


Two Mississippians are walking down different ends of a street toward each other, and one is carrying a sack.  When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, what'cha got in th' bag?"

"Jus' some chickens."

If I guesses how many there are, can I have one?"

"Shoot, if ya guesses right and I'll give you both of them."

"OK. Ummmmm...four?"


What's the difference between a Yankee zoo and a Redneck zoo?

On the cage in a Yankee zoo, it will have the name of the animal and the scientific name in Latin.

A Southern zoo will have the name of the animal and a recipe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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