The Best Place for
Fun - Sports Jokes Page 1.
The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on
mental health and had proceeded to give an oral quiz to the
Speaking specifically about manic depression, the instructor
asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and
forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then
sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and
answered, "A basketball coach?"
A guy named Joe receives a free ticket to the Super Bowl from
his company. Unfortunately, when Joe arrives at the stadium,
he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the
stadium, he's closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field. About halfway through the first quarter, Joe
his binoculars and sees an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on
the 50 yard line.
He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the
stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As
he sits down, Joe asks the gentleman sitting next to him,
"Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?"
The man says, "No."
Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game,
Joe again asks the man next to him, "This is
incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like
this at the Super Bowl and not use it?!"
The man replies, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I
was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This
is the first Super Bowl we haven't been together at since we
got married in 1967."
"Well, that's really sad," said Joe, "but still, you
couldn't find anyone to take the seat? A friend or close
relative?" "No," the man replies, "They're all at the
The symphony orchestra was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the
piece, there's a long passage, about 20 minutes, during which the
bass violinists have nothing to do.
Rather than sit around that whole time looking stupid, some bassists
decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick
one. After slamming several beers in quick succession, one of them
looked at his watch and said, "Hey! We need to get back!"
"No need to panic," said a fellow bassist. "I thought we might need
some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor's
score together with string. It will take him a few minutes to get it
few moments later they staggered back to the concert hall and took
their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the
audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to
"Well, of course the conductor is upset," said her companion. "Don't you see? It's the
bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists are
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an
eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the
distance, figuring the wind direction and speed and
driving his playing partner nuts.
Finally his exasperated partner says, "What the
taking so long? Hit the ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me
from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect
"Give me a break! You don't stand a snowball's
chance of hitting her from here."
in the middle of a messy divorce case find themselves in court
battling over custody of little Johnny, their only child.
to make a fair decision over the boys future, the Judge takes Johnny
into his private chambers so that he can find out which of the
parents the boy would prefer to live with.
"Well Johnny" says the Judge, "Would you like to live with your
"No," replied Johnny, "she hits me all the time"
"Well then," the Judge continues, "Would you like to live your
"No," replied Johnny again, "He hits me all the time too!"
The Judge looks exasperated and says to the boy, "Well Johnny, who
would you like to live with?"
"I'd like to live with Hamilton Football Club," the boy replied
"Why on earth would you want to live with the Hamilton Football
Club?," replied the now extremely puzzled Judge.
"Well," replied Johnny, "They never beat anyone"
Billy and Joe were huge baseball fans
One day, both Billy and Joe made a pact that if either of them were to
die; he had to come back to the other in the form of a ghost to let
the other know if baseball was played in heaven.
Sure enough, Billy dies and eventually comes to Joe one night in the
form of a ghost.
A startled Joe realizes it is the ghost of his deceased friend and says,
"Billy, it is so good to see you. So tell me, is there baseball in
"Well," Billy says, "I have some good news and bad news to tell you."
First the good news; YES, there is baseball in heaven!"
"Thank God!" Joe shouts.
"What is the bad news?"
"You're pitching tomorrow."
At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his
young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What
a team is?"
The little boy nodded yes.
"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win
together as a team?"
The little boy nodded yes.
"So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you
are out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the
umpire. Do you understand all that?"
Again, the boy nodded
"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain it to
One day, the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game.
Smiling the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance; I
have Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players
"Yes", snickered the devil, "but I have all the
Coming home from his Little League game, young Bobby swung open the
front door very excitedly. Unable to attend the game, his father
immediately wanted to know what had happened at his son's game. "So,
how did you do son?" he asked.
"You'll never believe it." Bobby said. "I was responsible for the
"Really? How did you do that?" inquired his dad.
Bobby replied, "I dropped the ball."