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The Best Place for Fun - Sports Jokes Page 1.

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and had proceeded to give an oral quiz to the freshman class.

Speaking specifically about manic depression, the instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

A guy named Joe receives a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company.  Unfortunately, when Joe arrives at the stadium, he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium, he's closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field.  About halfway through the first quarter, Joe looks through his binoculars and sees an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50 yard line.

He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat.  As he sits down, Joe asks the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?"

The man says, "No."

Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Joe again asks the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Super Bowl and not use it?!"

The man replies, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been together at since we got married in 1967."

"Well, that's really sad," said Joe, "but still, you couldn't find anyone to take the seat? A friend or close relative?" "No," the man replies, "They're all at the funeral."

The symphony orchestra was performing Beethoven's Ninth.  In the piece, there's a long passage, about 20 minutes, during which the bass violinists have nothing to do.

Rather than sit around that whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one.  After slamming several beers in quick succession, one of them looked at his watch and said, "Hey! We need to get back!"

"No need to panic," said a fellow bassist. "I thought we might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string. It will take him a few minutes to get it untangled."

A few moments later they staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra.  About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her companion.

"Well, of course the conductor is upset," said her companion. "Don't you see? It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists are loaded."

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed and driving his playing partner nuts.

Finally his exasperated partner says, "What the heck is taking so long? Hit the ball!"

The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."

"Give me a break! You don't stand a snowball's chance of hitting her from here."

A couple in the middle of a messy divorce case find themselves in court battling over custody of little Johnny, their only child.

In order to make a fair decision over the boys future, the Judge takes Johnny into his private chambers so that he can find out which of the parents the boy would prefer to live with.

"Well Johnny" says the Judge, "Would you like to live with your Mother?"

"No," replied Johnny, "she hits me all the time"

"Well then," the Judge continues, "Would you like to live your Father?"

"No," replied Johnny again, "He hits me all the time too!"

The Judge looks exasperated and says to the boy, "Well Johnny, who would you like to live with?"

"I'd like to live with Hamilton Football Club," the boy replied quickly.

"Why on earth would you want to live with the Hamilton Football Club?," replied the now extremely puzzled Judge.

"Well," replied Johnny, "They never beat anyone"

Billy and Joe were huge baseball fans

One day, both Billy and Joe made a pact that if either of them were to die; he had to come back to the other in the form of a ghost to let the other know if baseball was played in heaven.

Sure enough, Billy dies and eventually comes to Joe one night in the form of a ghost.

A startled Joe realizes it is the ghost of his deceased friend and says, "Billy, it is so good to see you. So tell me, is there baseball in Heaven?"

"Well," Billy says, "I have some good news and bad news to tell you."

First the good news; YES, there is baseball in heaven!"

"Thank God!" Joe shouts.

"What is the bad news?"

"You're pitching tomorrow."

At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"

The little boy nodded yes.

"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?"

The little boy nodded yes.

"So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you are out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?"

Again, the boy nodded yes.

"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain it to your mother.

One day, the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game.

Smiling the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance; I have Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players up here".

"Yes", snickered the devil, "but I have all the umpires."

Coming home from his Little League game, young Bobby swung open the front door very excitedly.  Unable to attend the game, his father immediately wanted to know what had happened at his son's game. "So, how did you do son?" he asked.

"You'll never believe it." Bobby said. "I was responsible for the winning run!"

"Really? How did you do that?" inquired his dad.

Bobby replied, "I dropped the ball."







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